Alice in Wonderland: The Seussical!
by jjhatter
Summary: Alice, Tarrant, Chessur and the rest of the Underland Underground Resistance perform Seussical for the White Queen. 'Nuff said. Caution: very wierd!
1. Chapter 1

Hello to you, my wonderful readers! "Oh, I'm glad that you're here! Oh, I like it a lot…it's just not as much fun to be here when you're not!" I'd like to give my thanks to you for taking time to start reading this. I also give thanks to katzsoa, who has helped me no end.

Rating: K+ (just to be safe)

Disclaimer: Don't spread this around, but…confidentially…I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! _Seussical _belongs to Dr. Seuss, Stephen Flaherty, Lynn Ahrens, and Phil Ramone. _Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland_ belongs to Tim Burton, Disney, Lewis Carroll, and anyone else I failed to mention. Note that the performance of Seussical in here is based on the one being done at my school, so don't complain if something different done in yours is done in here.

Summary: The cast of _Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland_ performs _Seussical_ for the White Queen. 'Nuff said.

**Prologue: When I Sit Here and Fish…**

_Splash!_

"That's it..." he murmered, watching the small, green and pink spotted fish as it splashed and swam about in the pond. "_That's_ it...just a little _closer_..."

Chessur the Cheshire Cat stared intently into the pond at the spotted fish. His tail whisked about his feet slowly, brushing at the soft green grass under his paws. One claw was raised into the air, poised to strike, and a playful gleam was in his eye. His permanent smile widened and he licked his teeth; the little fish was in just the right spot, distracted by a shiny pebble in the pool.

"One..._two_..._THREE_..."

"Chessur!"

The Cheshire Cat yowled in surprise and fell into the pond. He scrambled out of the water, gasping in fear and sopping wet. Vainly trying to restore his shattered dignity, he shook himself off and set to work at smoothing out his damp, gray-blue-black striped fur. He growled softly upon noticing that the fish had swam to the other end of the pond, a mocking smirk on its face.

A bell-like laugh distracted Chessur from his failed kill. He turned sharply towards the startling sound. There stood Alice - _the_ Alice - smiling at him, amused to no end by his blunder. A small blue book was in her hand. He glared at her, irritated.

"Alice, you silly girl," he meowed in complaint. "I've lost my lunch!"

"Sorry," Alice apologized, although she was still smiling broadly. "I just need to talk to you."

Chessur huffed and sat on his haunches in a peeved manner, although a wide grin still graced his face.

"And what, pray tell, is so important that you had to scare nearly seven lives out of me?"

Alice giggled and walked up to the Chesire Cat. She sat down beside him in the grass, placing the book front cover down at her side.

"Well, you see...I've been working on a little something for the White Queen."

"The Queen? What is it?"

"I'm getting to that. Anyway, up in Overland, there's a truly brilliant writer - an author - named Theodore Geisel. They call him 'Dr. Seuss,' since that's the pen name he uses in most of his books. He really is an astounding writer, Chessur! His books, characters, and illustrations are funny and clever, and often have a rhyme scheme in the writing, but the subjects he deals with are remarkably…deep!"

"Subjects like...?"

"Well, there's a book called _The Lorax_, which deals with environmental hazards. Another is _The Butter Battle Book_, which deals with the evils of war. Then there's _The Sneetches_, about racism, and _Yertle the Turtle_, about basic human - and animal - rights..."

"Hmm...perhaps someone should have shown some of this...Seuss fellow's work to the Red Queen," remarked Chessur, now in better humor. "But what do his books and his writings have to do with..."

"I'm writing a play based on them."

Chess stared, amazed.

"YOU'RE writing...?"

"I've written before, Chessur. A friend of mine from Overland - his name is Charles Dodgson, but he signs his works 'Lewis Carroll' - and I have written a book on my adventures here...and yes, Chessur, you're in it."

"Well, that's wonderful! But why are you telling me about this play you're making?"

"Well, I'm planning to put it on for the White Queen."

"That's not what I asked."

Alice smiled wider.

"Do you like to sing, Chessur?"

"...Of course. Who doesn't?

"Well...my play IS a musical..."

"Ah, I see. So..." Chessur stopped mid-sentence and gaped at Alice, suddenly looking flattered and joyful.

"Yes, Chess," Alice said, as if she'd read the cat's mind. "I'd like you to be in the play."

For a moment, Chessur seemed speechless, which was very unlike him. At last he cleared his throat and asked, "Have you asked anyone else?"

"Everyone else is in it already! The Hatter, the Dormouse, the March Hare, the Tweedles, the Rabbit...everyone! I figured you'd like to join in as well."

The cat flashed a sly, mischievous grin, his eyes glittering.

"What would I get in return if I were to say yes?"

"I thought you'd say that," Alice said with a wink. "I also thought you might like to know which character I want you to play. Am I right?"

"Yes."

Alice's grin widened to match the cat's. With a mysterious air, she reached over and grabbed the book. The cat watched her, ears twitching. As soon as the Cheshire Cat saw the cover, his eyes widened, a look of eternal gratitude in those turquoise orbs, and his grin stretched farther than ever before.

"Does Tarrant know?"

"It took a little convincing, but, yes, he knows."

The cat paused, eyes never leaving the words on the book's cover.

"Thank you," he purred in a whisper.

"You're welcome," said Alice.

The title of the book in Alice's hands was _The Cat in the Hat_.


	2. Chapter 2

Notes: First, allow me to apologize...this might take a while. (deep breath) ...

(Three Days Later)

...SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY! Okay. I'm done. :D

Seriously, though, it has been an inexcusably long time since I've updated this...other stories and my personal life have kept getting in the way! I sincerely hope you will accept my apologies, and at least try to refrain from hunting me down and killing me. To make matters worse, this chapter has no song, but the next one definitely will! Also, to all who read this, if for any reason you feel any part of this or any of my stories should be changed or removed, please, send me a PM about it (I'd rather it not be seen publicly...i.e., in the reviews). I shall repair any damages forthwith!

Well, now that that's out of the way, we will now return to our regularly scheduled lunacy...

**Chapter I: Backstage 1, Performance Issues**

"Please, remind me why I agreed to this?"

"Well, perhaps the fact that your character is in love with Gertrude McFuzz had something to do with it...wouldn't want to make your lady more upset than she already is..."

Tarrant Hightopp, the Mad Hatter, whipped around fast. (Of course, he was now simply "Mad," seeing as it was that his beloved top hat was in the possession of the Cheshire Cat.) His eyes were dotted with pale orange, a sign of mild irritation.

"She is not 'my lady,' as you put it. I was referring to my allowing you to wear my hat, Chessur."

The cat in question was floating just inside the doorway of Tarrant's dressing room, purring contentedly as he lovingly stroked the brim of the Hatter's trademark hat. Thankfully, the Hatter had finished getting into costume already. It was nothing too elaborate...Alice felt that something too flashy would insult the works of the "Seuss" man that the play was based upon, and, more often than not, whatever Alice said was right, at least in the Mad Hatter's mangled mind.

She and the White Queen had that much in common, and maybe more.

The costume consisted of a baggy, rough, gray leather coat, which was meant to simulate an elephant's hide, and gray trousers that were half a size to large, as well as an elephant ears headband.

The Hatter let out a soft snarl at the thought of the headband. Alice had found it, in her own words, "adorable." He found it, very frankly, to be more along the lines of "humiliating." Or "degrading." Or "undignified." Or even "maltreating."

Hmm...maltreating. Another lovely M-word...

"Perhaps you were just in a generous mood," Chessur shrugged innocently, breaking through the milliner's thoughts. The cat wore a bright red bow tie, covered in shimmering red sequins, and a pair of fingerless white gloves. He also wore a black velvet jacket, which he had brought himself, and a white vest. He carried a parasol under one arm, so that his paws might feel the hat in his hands.

Tarrant rolled his eyes, not so much in response to the cat's suggestion, but more because of the fact that he still had no clue how, and why, Alice was able to convince him to give his most treasured piece of headwear to the feline trickster. It didn't even look like the hat worn by the Cat in the book!

Then again, that girl was very persuasive. After all, she'd gotten the Dormouse into the project.

That had to be the biggest surprise of all: tough, unrelenting Mallymkun, the greatest swordswoman the Hatter had ever known, had signed on. Certainly, she could sing, so it wasn't a matter of her abilities in question...there were days he was left wondering if there was anything she COULDN'T do! (Besides control her temper.) No, it was just the fact that, though she would never admit it, Mally was very shy about singing. He'd heard her only once, and that by accident...it was he who had told Alice, and, indeed, everyone else, that she could sing in the play.

He'd earned a nasty scratch for giving out that information.

The real surprise, however, was not so much that Mally was in the play, but that she'd only agreed to be in when she found out that he was in it, too. And even then, she'd been emphatic in being a member of the crew.

He could still see the surprise on everyone's faces when Alice told her about the role of Gertrude McFuzz. The general thoughts all around were probably something like, "If you value your life, Alice, don't even suggest that role to her!"

The stunned expression the entire group, cast and crew alike, had when the white dormouse accepted the part – albeit begrudgingly – was beyond description.

"Hel-looooo? Tarrant? Is anyone in there?" hissed Chessur, waving a gloved paw in front of his face. He blinked rapidly, realizing he'd probably been staring into space this whole time.

"Er...um...yes. Thank you."

Chess sighed.

"Good. For a moment I thought we might need to have a last minute reschedule."

The Hatter sighed as well, looking at himself in the mirror with an admittedly childish pout, slumped in his chair.

"I look absolutely ridiculous," he grumbled.

"Well, at least you don't look like that tasty...uh..._tasteless_ rodent with the role of the Lazy Bird. What's her name again...?"

"Dormyla. Alice met her once before, and said she was perfect for the part."

The cat raised an eyebrow. If given the ability, the evaporating feline would have probably frowned.

"Well, just taking a tip from her attitude, I'll have to say I agree. Who could possibly love the color _pink_ so much...?"

The Cheshire Cat shuddered violently, his tongue stuck out in disgust.

"Well, the Red Queen didn't mind pink..."

"Hm. Wonder why," the cat snorted sarcastically.

There came a knock at the door.

"Please, just intrude," groaned the Hatter, who was already on a short fuse.

The cat grinned at him, more widely than usual.

"Irritated, Hatter?"

"You are within two feet of me and wearing _MY_ hat. Yes, I'm irritated."

Chess opened his mouth to say something, but the figure at the door entering the room stopped him short.

It was Patricial, or Pat, the Goose. She was playing the role of Mrs. Mayor in the show, opposite Uileam the Dodo as the Mayor himself.

The Hatter let out a rather random giggle; Alice was Jojo, and her on-stage parents were a goose and a dodo. Even in Underland, that was bizarre...

"'Atter, 'ave ye seen...Oh! There ye are, Chessur!"

"What is it, Pat?"

"Alice needs ye...both of ye. Our Kangaroos are 'ere."

Hatter turned slowly back around.

"Pat...why is it you sound like me when I've just knocked over a set of shiny, new, tea things? While Alice was sitting next to me? With Mally on my hat? While the tea was scalding hot? On a windy day?"

Pat shivered, as if in fear.

"I...I think it's best if ye...see fer yerself..."

The bird hurriedly left the room.

"Got te get me costume!" she called out.

The cat raised an eyebrow.

"Well, that was odd."

"Agreed...unfortunately enough. Why did Alice keep the actors playing the Kangaroos a secret, again?"

"Well, if she had told us that would have spoiled the secret."

"Good point...I suspect we will find out soon enough."

"You mean _you'll _find out."

The Hatter sighed again, a little louder than the first time.

"You already know. Of course."

"Yes. A clue: it isn't a very _pleasant_ surprise. Now, if you will excuse me, Hattie and I have some business to attend to elsewhere."

The cat winked and promptly disappeared.

At this moment, a loud shriek sounded down the hall. The Hatter stood up fast, his eyes now fully orange.

_That was the Hare...!_

Then came a voice the Hatter hoped never to hear again...

_"Will someone PLEASE silence the accursed rabbit?"_

Tarrant's eye twitched. He knew that voice very well…

_Alice...if I am mad, you're utterly _gallymoggers_..._

The Hatter sprinted out of his room and down the hall of the backstage area. In the flies, Frog Footmen hopped and croaked, hurriedly rushing to prepare the set and stage for the performance inside the castle auditorium. McTwisp, the White Rabbit, who had been assigned to be stage director, and would later play a "Hunch" in the show, along with a few of the frogs, tried to get things in order, waving and wringing his paws and glancing at his pocket watch every five seconds. All throughout the backstage halls, performers and crew alike were chatting and squawking…or would be, had the horrific sound of the screams and shouts from somewhere down the hall not interrupted their thoughts. Most of them were now glaring down the hall, or quivering with fear, or whispering nervously to other members of the show, or all three at once.

There was, of course, good reason for this.

As Tarrant Hightopp rounded a corner, on the verge of praying he was wrong, he was glad he had thought otherwise of it; it would have done him no good.

"Is it daft you two are?" snapped Mallymkun, who stood on the chest of the unconscious March Hare. She was dressed in a blue satin dress, with a belt adorned with a single, blue feather on the back that hung limply, like a second tail. She wore a band around each ear, so that it seemed there were blue feathers – small, downy ones – stuck in her fur. She did not have her trademark blade – Alice forbade her to wear it during the play – but her eyes remained as fiery as ever.

No…make that twice as fiery.

Again, not surprising.

"Oh, come now, Mallymkun!" the White Queen said, although her eyes remained firmly set on another person, directly in front of her. "It's perfect typecasting."

"Perfect typecasting, Your Majesty, but a FRUMNIOUS choice!"

"I agree!" said the Hatter, making his voice known. "Wy d'ye wan' 'em 'ere, anywho? Wat's murr, wy warn't I infurmed?"

"Because," said Alice – who was not yet in costume – with a gentle, soothing tone, "Both Her Majesty and I knew you'd react like this when you found out. We wanted their parts to be secret until now, so that you could stay focused."

"Idiocy, I say!" said Uileam, dressed in a yellow suit jacket and white tie for his Mayor costume. "If you wanted to keep us all calm, ladies, you shouldn't have brought them here at all!"

"Aye!" agreed Mally, glowering at the offending pair in question.

The demonic duo being spoken of – should their identities not be obvious already – were Iracebeth of Crims and Illosovic Stayne, the Red Queen and Knave of Hearts, respectively. They were still shackled together by the wrist, and each wore a long-eared headband with red-brown fur. The Knave wore red-brown tights – which, judging from his utterly humiliated and pained expression, made him very uncomfortable – while the Queen wore a long, red-brown fur coat, and a red dress beneath this.

Of course, Tarrant was too angry to even care about the costumes.

"Wy are they 'ere, anywho? Thar s'posed te beh in th' Outlands, aye?"

"We've been put on parole," the Knave mumbled.

"My sister and her champion," the Red Queen said, with the same haughty air the Hatter had heard her use so often before the Frabjous Day, "Requested our presence, to perform in this…play."

Hatter growled.

"Ye little-"

"Hatter, it's only until the end of today," Alice said, and moved over to him, whispering into his ear, "If we're lucky, the audience will be too stunned to boo them off the stage."

"True that may be," Hatter hissed back, his voice now a bit more normal sounding, "But I bet they have good aims, and plenty of tomatoes…"

"Well, let's get this over with!" Mallymkun snapped, lest she be forgotten. "Everyone is waiting!"

"I'll get into costume," Alice said, nodding, and ran to her dressing room.

"I'll go to the audience," the White Queen said, still looking at her sister. "Remember," she said, "this parole lasts only until you have completed your work here at the theater. Your banishment still remains binding."

"All the more reason to do as the rat over there says," grumbled Stayne, who, in his humiliated state, had become far more quiet than usual.

Mally glared.

"Call me that again, you long-legged lout, and I'll cut your eyes out!"


	3. Chapter 3

Notes: So that you all know, I'm not particularly proud of this chapter, nor the previous one...

Chapters like this one will be written from a different perspective than the "Backstage" chapters, as you will soon see. The song for this chapter is _Oh, the Thinks You Can Think!_ I own it not. Now, without further _adieu..._

**Chapter II: Play 1, The Madness Begins**

The audience is tense; they are all of Underland's higher society, and all have heard of the work of their champion and her friends, working on the tale about to unfold before them. "It will be like nothing you've ever seen…of that, I can assure you," the White Queen says, and then finishes her address to the audience, descending into the orchestra seats.

The audience applauds…and all the lights in the theater of Marmoreal Palace are put out fast.

For a while, things are quiet.

Then, a single light snaps open, shining down onto the stage.

In the spotlight's glare, a very familiar top hat is seen, sitting in the very center of the dark, bare stage platform.

Footsteps are heard from the darkness, entering the scene, moving closer to the hat. A pair of pale, youthful hands enter the light, picking up the top hat carefully.

The hands are attached to arms…and the arms are attached to a Champion, dressed in an striped blouse and skirt, wearing a red cap. The costume is so convincing, the entire audience – including the Queen herself – instantly forget that the actress is Alice Kingsleigh.

All they see is Jojo.

"Now that is a very unusual hat," Jojo says, inspecting the top hat curiously, critically, and seemingly talking to herself. "What do you suppose wears a hat such as that?"

She begins to pace, the light following her as she moves.

"It could be a creature, called the Ga-Zat…who balances things on his head, because it's flat…or it could be a pipester from Upper Mount Bat…or…a sort of a..."

She smiles, looking at the hat carefully again.

"Kind of a…"

She slowly lifts that hat over her head.

"Hat-wearing…"

The top hat lowers fast...

"Cat!"

The instant the word is spoken, the hat flips out of her hands, just inches from touching her head, and zips out of sight. Jojo peers around, surprised, trying to figure out what has taken the curious hat away.

Then, another familiar voice echoes from the dark around her…nowhere, yet everywhere, all at once…

And, as it speaks, everyone in the audience smiles wide enough to make its owner green with envy.

"_I can see that you've got quite a mind for your age! Why, one little Think, and you dragged me right onto the stage! Now I'm here! There's no telling what may ensue, with a cat such as me, and a Thinker, like you!"_

The light goes out, but, quite quickly, all the lights on the stage take its place, illuminating the bare platform brightly. Jojo stares, looking delighted, but confused, at the voice's owner, who leans against the edge of the right stage entrance, grinning broadly as he places the famed hat onto his own pointy-eared head.

And he sings…

"_Oh, the Thinks You Can Think! Oh, the Thinks You Can Think…if you're willing to try. Think invisible ink, or a Gink with a stink, or a stair to the sky!"_

The mysterious Cat in the Hat rises, like a wingless bat, into the air, and darts over to Jojo, tapping a gloved paw against her forehead as he floats before her startled face.

"_If you open your mind, oh, the Thinks you will find, lining up to get loose!"_

At the word "loose," the Cat vanishes, leaving a cloud of bluish-gray mist in its wake. Jojo whips around with a squeak of surprise, and laughs as the Cat reappears, winking.

"_Oh, the Thinks You Can Think, when you Think about…SEUSS!"_

The Cat's cry of "Seuss!" echoes throughout the palace. The beige-colored curtains behind Jojo and the Cat lift up…and what was once a bare stage becomes a wild, screaming jungle, where not a single thing is straight. Brightly colored, tropical trees are everywhere, and a clear blue lake can be seen…the scene is both beautiful and chaotic.

The chaos is increased tenfold by the figures on stage; a mixture of both guffawing laughter and mad cheers and applause fills the ears of the cast on stage, making most of them excited, and all but a few of them a bit embarrassed.

Heck…they'll run with it.

"_Oh, the Thinks You Can Think! Any Thinker who thinks can come up with a few! Take a trip on a ship to the Vripper of Vripp, or to Solla Sollew! Think of beautiful schlopp, with a cherry on top! You don't need an excuse! Oh, the Thinks You Can Think, when you Think about Seuss…"_

They have been spinning and dancing as they sing in chorus, but now, as the name of "Seuss" once again is repeated, again and again, the ensemble splits in half, and a few of the cast members form a line on stage. As each actor/actress sings their line, they retreat from the front and return to the wall of cast members to each side of them.

The Hatter, in his elephant costume, gets a good laugh. He can't help but smile as he leaves the line. (_"Think of an elephant, up in a tree!"_)

Next up are the Dodo and the Goose, each wearing pastel yellow clothes – a suit and a dress, respectively. They, too, bring forth gales of giggles. (_"Think of a person, too tiny to see!"_)

The third seems so surprising, the audience gasps collectively, not sure if they should laugh or not: a white dormouse, in a blue feathered dress. (_"Think of a bird, with a one-feathered tail…going on adventure down a dangerous trail!"_)

Another rodent steps forth: a large, gray mouse with a tail longer than she is tall, dressed in similar clothing to the dormouse that came before her, but with her dress toned garish, neon pink. She twirls as she exits the line, taking great care to make sure the audience remembers her long, limp tail, so easily made a dancing ribbon. (_"Think of a bird, who flies off on a spree!"_)

If the dormouse was a shock, the next in line are horrors. The audience screams, then begins to mutter anxiously amongst themselves, when they see the two figures who arrive next…their identities should be clear. As the former ruler with the oversized skull exits, she jerks the chain on the handcuffs that connect her to her utterly humiliated and red-faced Knave, who is practically catatonic with embarrassment, and probably wants to kill someone for the treatment he is being put through…as usual. (_"Think of a kangaroo, sour as can be!"_)

The crimson tyrant and her stooge are, miraculously, forgotten quite quickly by the audience; for the rest of the show, they don't even really realize who they are. An aged gecko is next in line, dressed in a bright soldier's outfit, grinning proudly; he's not sure why he agreed to do this, but, now that he has his old suit back, he no longer really cares. (_"Think of a general…CRAZY FOR WAR!"_)

The line dissipates; the lights dim, and, suddenly, the mood grows gloomy and dark. They gather around "Jojo," devilish grins on most, if not all, of their faces, appearing monstrous and deranged.

"_Think of something horrible and hairy…something sinister and scary, that you've never dared to Think of before! Think of nobody near, and the feeling of fear, in the darkness of night…all alone in the gloom, while you're facing your doom…"_

"_THINK A GLIMMER OF LIGHT!"_

The sudden cry from the Cat – who has decided to make himself visible again, atop the girl's head – brings the lights back on full force, and the creatures surrounding Jojo back away sharply, laughing. The Cat snakes around her shoulders, a smirk evident on his face.

"_But I hope you're prepared to be 'scareder' than scared, 'cause this ain't Mother Goose! Think right over the brink, when you Think about Seuss!"_

The cat drifts to the ground, twirling the umbrella in his hands like a cane as he approaches the front of the stage, a sly smile stretched across his lips.

"_An unusual story,"_ he sings, his voice conspiratorial, _"will soon be unfurled, of an elephant trying to save a small world…and a girl from that world, who has troubles galore…"_

He promptly disappears, reappearing over the heads of all those on stage.

"_Just Think! From the planet of Who…"_

"_And the smallest of small…"_

"_To the Jungle of Nool…"_

"_And the largest of all…"_

The lights, one by one, flicker and flash, as the ensemble draws closer together again and approaches the front of the stage.

"_If you think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think, and think…JUST **THINK!** Oh, the Thinks You Can Think! Think, and wonder, and dream, far and wide as you dare! When you Think you've run dry, in the blink of an eye, there's another Think there! If you open your mind, oh, the Thinks you will find, lining up to get loose! Oh, the Thinks You Can Think…"_

"_Oh, the Thinks You Can Think…"_

"_OH, the Thinks You Can Think…"_

"_Oh, the Thinks You Can Think!"_

"_Oh, the Thinks You Can Think, when you think about Seuss!"_

Slowly, the lights begin to go out, as the word "Seuss" is, once again, repeated like a mantra of mirth and madness by the entire cast. The instant they go black…

"…_SEUSS!"_

The lights return full force, and the crowd applauds.

All in the audience are thinking the same thing: _THIS will be interesting._


End file.
